The Cheating Married Man

Your cheating will make you weep
You'll cry and cry and try to sleep
But sleep won't come the whole night through
Your cheating heart will tell on you

When tears come down like falling rain
You'll toss around and call my name
You'll walk the floor the way I do
Your cheating heart will tell on you

Your Cheating Heart
Joni James


I was sitting in Ampang last night having a few drinks with some friends after work when I started to eavesdrop on the conversation two tables away. I'd like to think I have superpowered hearing but I would in fact be thinking wrong. I only payed attention because the couple looked so out of place there. Well dressed, well to do, plenty of cash. Her Tiffany tennis bracelet was glinting under the soft lights and her Gucci chain link was resting on the table. She was ignoring the middle-aged man pleading next to her and playing with her phone instead. Something he said made me want to go up to the woman and bring her home with me and whip her into shape.

"I'm telling her soon. We'll get a divorce and she'll get custody, I promise."

At this point all of us were quietly listening to the conversation above the sounds of some weird trumpet music that was playing at the time. Collectively, men and women alike we sighed. J, a good guy friend turned to look at me with an eyebrow raised and a look of disapproval clearly fixed on his face. Why?

I've gone out with a married man twice. Once unknowingly, because you see they tend to hide that fact most of the time, the slimeballs! And once because I really loved him.

Now, the typical Married Man who goes in search of earthly delights is usually either:

a. A total asshole, has been and always will be OR
b. Not happy with whatever is going on at home.

I managed to get both types on both instances.

The Cheating Married Man (CMM) is a catch. The relationship always starts of as non-commital and most of the time they are quite well to do. It's what attracts the Sweet Young Things in the first place. But be warned, the very fact that they are CMM's will always work against you.

If you think they will leave their wife and children, think again. However, that trend is changing slowly, now face and reputation don't matter so much, unless of course you end up shagging the maid and running off with her, then you will have everyone on your back. But, ladies hear me now, a CMM is not an option.

CMM's are not a rare breed. We hear about only a few instances when they do actually go out and cheat, but it's always happening. Right under yours and my nose. All the time. And by cheating I don't just mean sex. The looks, flirtations with co-workers, the immense amount of women your husband surrounds himself, a few I know are serial online pervs. And I use the word pervs appropriately here, I am no prude.

I don't know how married women deal with it. It's always wondering whether they're really at a meeting. Really down in Sabah to check the oil rig, was that call really about bussiness? Is she really just an old friend? How can you tell? Your sex life changes, albeit not drastically, these are some of the thoughts that run through your head over and over again.

Some women friends I have always tell me they never knew. That, as we all know is bullshit. There are always signs. And I cannot say this enough. There are ALWAYS signs. Sometimes because of the guilty conscience CMM's have they tend to be a lot nicer. Suddenly weekends he looks like he's Father of the Year, kind, loving, doting. You wonder how you could have ever thought he was cheating?

I can't give you exact moments where you know. But I've had 3 of my friends marriages break up because of CMM's. Which is why when I was dating R and loved him, I knew I couldn't live with it and I broke it off. We never had sex, in case you wanted to know. But the fact remains I am still not proud of it. As much as we'd like to say Malaysia or KL for that matter is progressive and it's not a boys club so much anymore, it still is.

The idea of hurting another woman who took the said CMM till death do you part, who beared children with him so that they could be happy is not something I want to be burdened with guilt for. After all if women fuck other women over, what else is there really?

As for the Tiffani girl, I hope she wakes up and smells the roses, she deserves much more. And for the woman who has to deal with all this, I hope she finds solace in knowing there is still one woman right here who won't fuck her over. You can't always speak for the rest of the population can you?