I'm Back!

I must apologise vehemently for leaving all of you. I have been meaning to blog for a long time. But it's taking stock time in the industry, well, it has passed. But you know what I mean, I've been very busy.

I can't blog anything very long and detailed at this point. So I thought I'd give you a little run down of what exactly has been going on. I've been working too much basically, and I am on a well-deserved break this time. But:

1. I was in New York for bussiness a few weeks ago, stayed for a few weeks as well. Met such handsome, intelligent men. It was almost like perpetual foreplay. Story time!

2. Benni and Ina are fine and dandy! Benni got a promotion at her bank! Woot woot Benni!

3. Liam is back with Rachel! Surprise, surprise..... but that's another story for another day.

4. Mat's wife had twins! Congratulations. Oh, btw have discovered that Ong reads my blog. But I have sworn him to secrecy and bribery. He's trustable lah.

5. I'm still single, and loving it. I've come to the conclusion that as long as I get in a bit of work each day, and make someone, even if it means Old Men in Suits happy, it just has to be fine with me. For now, at least.

So tell me, what's been going on with all of you?

The Fruits of Our Labor

The past last week has flown by. What with being involved in a new PR shindig and working the client accounts I have almost no social life. It's meetings and more Old Men in Suits everyday. My nicotine, caffeine and alcohol intake is on the rise. But Mat, my boss has promised me by the end of July or early August, I will be able to take a long break. And I need it too, all the toxins in my body. I need to get to a spa soon before I implode.

While I have been busy, I have been trying to make myself happy at the same time. There is some sort of weird fulfillment from not having enough time to breathe because there's so much going on, and you delight in it because it stops you from thinking, temporarily.

Liam Ina, and I have been meeting up more often. And because he lives about 20 minutes away from me, he's been coming up to watch movies and fix the odd things in the house that needs a man's touch. I cooked him dinner last night and we both fell asleep on the couch. Him on the love seat and me on the day bed.

I know I'm treading on dangerous ground even though he never talks about Rachel (his-ex) or mentions any other women in the romantic or sexual way. I'd rather not know anyway. It's a lovely fantasy in my mind, us getting together although it seems quite laughable at this point for a variety of reasons.

There is an underlying tone of sexual attraction no doubt, we touch each other lightly and he looks at me a lot when I drive, which distracts me, but is nonetheless pleasant in a "My heart is racing," sort of way. He hugs me, big bear hugs and pushes my hair away from my face, picks food off my face when I eat messily, gives me massages, the works.

But he's never tried anything. And I'm petrified of trying anything because he might brush me off. But I can't stop making plans with him either because I love being around him. I think about him constantly, and he does the same! He'll SMS me during work, and email me or call for no reason at all. Just giving me silly one liners sometimes that make me laugh out loud.

I don't know what's going to happen, I assume I'll deal with it when it does. But honestly, I feel like a girl who is about to have her wildest dreams come true. An amazing guy who is paying this much of attention to me?! It's like something out of the Hallmark channel. And what scares me about this whole thing is that it could end just like that, and yet I'm still here?

Patterns of Destruction(?)


Benni and Ina were over my place last night with Nandos and some Hooch and we got to talking about the three L's. Life, Love and Lust.

So we've realised that all the men we've dated, loved and fucked (not necessarily in that order) were men that we unconciously sought out through our very own dating patterns.

Dating patterns are exclusive to you and only you. You may share similar patterns with close friends or other people all over the globe, but it's true, everyone has a pattern. Be it that you like powerful men, artistic men, emotionally unavailable men, they are all patterns that eventually tie back to what you put about yourself out there.

For example, we have Benni who is very much into marrying and settling down that she unconciously starts every relationship with the thought that:

"This might be it."

While this is fine and normal human behaviour. Benni takes it a step higher and most men end up leaving her because she is too obvious. And it is true men my age are afraid of commitment and settling down, so Benni is like the Ultimate Love Tsunami of Relationships. They avoid her like the plague and this results in Benni getting drunk and Ina and me sitting consoling her into the wee hours of the morning.

We figure that Benni is like this because she's seen her parents and the circle of trust in her life include only people who've been married for ages. Her parents have been married for 45 years, her sisters for more than 10, and they all seem superbly well. It also doesn't help that all our newly married friends are basking in that same glow. To which Benni decides that she wants to have that same thing, and her life is not complete without marriage.

I love you Benni, but you have to learn. I've stopped counting. In a city of 2 million, life is hard enough as it is with work, traffic jams, MNG Sales when you've spent your paycheck and less than perfect men for all of us to worry about marriage. Plus, I don't want to lose another one to the legion of Smug Marrieds.

Personally, I think Benni just wants the hantaran. Ha Ha.

My dating pattern is slightly more complicated, we haven't figured it out yet. But yes, most of them are emotionally unavailable, and it sounds to me too masochistic, but it's true. I think discovering your dating pattern and then comparing it to your ideal partner is important. Because then you can clearly see what you lack and need to improve on so that you don't keep dating the same men over and over again. If there were only health warnings against this sort of thing.

AMARAN OLEH KERAJAAN MALAYSIA. CINTA BOLEH MEMBAHAYAKAN HATI DAN JIWA SERTA MENYEBABKAN TEKANAN MENTAL DAN EMOSI.

A Kiss is Just A Kiss


A reader of mine tells me that I make getting nookie seems so easy. Ha ha. It's not :) Trust me. There's all sorts of shit that comes with sex and I'm in a place now where I miss it. I miss the orgasms and the cuddling later, but am not in a place where I want to do all the work.

I don't fuck for fun. And I usually fuck when I'm in love. Call me a hopeless romantic but I can't just turn in on and off like a blender. Sometimes, times like this, when I am alone and horny AND surrounded by luxuriously dating couples, I wish I could.

It's been so long since I've had any sort of action, let alone a good kiss. I mean, I don't know what's going on here anymore! Have men just forgotten how to kiss? Or is it just that I have impeccably high standards and an aversion to extra spittle all over my face? And the fact that I don't like my teeth banging against yours?

When I was young and morally righteous, I used to be a total Kiss Nazi. I would only kiss if I were in love with the guy, something like the fucking theory I have now. It's all bullshit really, we make these things up, plain and simple so that:

a. We don't get hurt
b. We don't lose control

I have come to learn that those two are just not possible when it comes to Life and Love.
I mean we all know, if he's a good kisser, then there's always a shot. Bad kisser, dump him right away, I'm telling you.

So here I am, wishing I could be kissed just once, very nicely. Nice long, pink, freshly brushed tongue and teeth, no extra saliva and secretions, no groping, just a hand on my face, and lots of passion. Oh how I miss those days, when kissing meant everything and you could do that for hours, till your lips got swollen and you were out of breath and giddy from the mere prospect of just lips.




God, I'm old.

Hey pets,

I'm sorry I've been away for so long. But things have been busy, busy, busy. One of my old high school acquaintances is getting married. Yes, another one bites the dust...

So last week was hen night in Bangsar where all us wummin proceeded to get absfuckinglutely sloshed. It was rather fun until the bride started necking with the bar-back. Ahem.

Everyone else insisted we get her back to remembering that she was to be someone's wife in the AM, but I disagreed. Let the poor woman have her fun ;)

So this week it's another wedding and much more drama to happen. The best man apprently is an old flame of Benni's. This is going to be an absolute riot I tell you! I have my dress all picked out too. I bought it from this funny looking shop in Petaling St. looks pretty good, red and it brings out the color of my eyes you see.

At least, the color of my eyes when I'm fishing myself out of the hotel pond the morning after the wedding with my head throbbing from far too many gin and tonics ;)

The joys of weddings you see.

UPDATES:

I have a healthy infatuation with the Chef at one of the restaurants Benni, Ina and I frequent. It's very healthy I know, because he is flirting with me and not the other way around ha ha.

I got promoted for closing a VERY BIG BIG account, not involving old men. I always knew my skill lied in charitable PR.

More updates soon, but for now, I'm going to be very busy. I KNOW I will have immense fun at the wedding so be on watch pets and have a good weekend.

Be good to your loved ones :)

I Have Underwear On My Head

I can ascertain that I don't mind making a fool out of myself when I know I'm doing it consciously. But unconsciously, it's just embarassing.

We had a Board Meeting in the morning, you know the kind, long and boring, have one of those Update sessions on how all the accounts are doing bla bla bla.

I was wearing an uber uncomfortable bra today. Strapless and lacy, awful combination. And when you're a C cup like me and wearing the bra under two other layers of camisole and suit, albeit cute, it's just not worth it. And somehow when you look at it before you put it on in the morning it always looks cuter than when you have it on later in the day because you've so convieniently forgotten how strapless bras just Slip N Slide.

So, I took off the bra and draped it on the back of my chair and grabbed the Sellotape and put two strips on my nipples in case I had a case of "My Headlights are On" in the meeting. Karen came over and yelled for two minutes about how risque I was being, I brushed her off and laughed.

Big Mistake. But then again hindsight is always 20/20 and I was starting to get chafing lines from the Goddamn bra, so what hell, fuck it.

I was walking out behind Karen into the Boardroom and I could hear Mat (my boss) coming behind me. All of a sudden I hear this loud obnoxious laughter and Mat is screaming:

JEZ *laugh* JEZ *wheeze* JEZ *laughter* *wheeze* Oh my GOD! What are you doing? Your bra's attached to your hair! *wheeze* Is this a new look? *guffaw* *wheeze wheeze* And I swear I am not pulling your leg but the man collapsed on the floor, cluthing his chest laughing. If he went at it any longer, we would have had to take him out on a stretcher.

So much for the sexy librarian look. My stupid bra clasps which I rested on my chair had stuck itself onto my ultra professional hair bun. And I was walking around the office with my underwear on my head. The tragedy. And MAT of all people had to see it first. Christ, is there no justice in the world?

I knew bras amounted to crap, truly, I did.

Diddling and the Jampi Theory




I am getting more attention that I warrant. I was perusing through much of the materials I am required to peruse through the course of my job as a PR suit, very expensive ones that leave me with endless bills no less (the suits, not the reading materials). This is so boring. The weekend was amusing. I sat in bed and ate cookies and ice cream all day. I'm now suffering from ant bites and a stock of fantasies involving me and a variety of men in very implicating positions.

So Ina just called awhile ago, her best friend Liam, who is also my friend and someone I've had the urge to just idolize from day one, had his Ex cheat on him. There's two problems with this:

1. Liam is fresh and new from a break-up and I will be the first one to say, I've been attracted to him for a long time. And I don't just mean in the "I Want To Shag You Senseless" sort of way. He is the epitome of an Alpha Male. The leader of the pack, that sort of thing. Talking to him is like mental masturbation, and we all know how I love masturbation of any sort! Ha ha. He's well travelled, well educated, well off, everything a woman could want. But, he's on the Rebound. And as much as I adore him, and want to have his children, I simply cannot put myself in the situation a Rebound puts me in. Taking the plunge is one thing, but sticking your hand into burning flames? I think not. Plus, I'm quite happy being single for the first time in God-knows how long. It's suprisingly liberating.

2. Rachel, his Ex who I mentioned cheated on him. Yeah, bit of a puzzle there, no? They're in the Ex phase so it's not possible to cheat right? WRONG. They've broken up, but are still very much conjoined. Which irks me no end, because she's keeping him on a doggy chain while diddling some new guy on the side and keeps him informed of her activities because they believe in putting shit on the table. What the fuck is wrong with this picture?

Do you understand how incredulous this sounds? And this is not something that afflicts only women you know, men do it too. Sort of holding back on making things final so that they don't feel as desolate, and as alone as they should feel after a break-up. It's pretty disgusting if you ask me. Liam has naturally been calling Ina and me for advice and still talking to Rachel. I've tried telling him nicely, I've tried calling her (Rachel) all sorts of names. But it's not working. Jesus Christ, it's almost like the jampi theory my mother talks about. He's just not budging. I'm wondering if she's amazing in bed or something. I bet I could top her, given the proper materials (handcuffs, honey and some good ol' fashioned condoms) but at this point it's just futile.

When will people come with a Use By date, because sometimes you need that to move on and to experience life again. I mean, by God isn't it bloody obvious the more contact you keep with an Ex, the more fucked up you will end up? ESPECIALLY when she's technically over you and fucking someone new? When will us mortals realise that Ex's are evil?

Ha ha. They're not really, this is case-specific, but you know what I mean! Have a good Monday my pets!